To understand just how different my own life used to be, it helps to know that I once worked at the Vatican – the quintessential patriarchal structure that represents the polar opposite of all the feminine practices we will be exploring in this blog. It’s a hierarchical institution made up of men who make the rules and exert control over 1.3 billion Catholics, making it the world’s largest Christian religion. While I remain a fan of Jesus, I’m pretty sure he never intended his message of love and compassion to lead to the gilded land that is the global headquarters for Catholicism.
Incredibly I never noticed the power dynamics of this male-dominated religion back then. I was simply living my dream of working as a journalist and reporting news in English for Vatican Radio while freelancing for Newsweek and the Associated Press. As I reflect back on that time, I don’t regret my Catholic upbringing nor my time at the Vatican. It provided the foundation for who I am today. But now that I’ve learned more about the history of the church, I know that Catholic teachings were a major factor in the suppression of the feminine that we now seek to resurrect.
One of the best examples of this is the Malleaus Maleficarium, commonly translated as the Hammer of Witches. Written in 1486 by a Catholic cleric, it was once the second most widely read book after the Bible thanks in part to the newly invented printing press. Sadly, the author Heinrich Kramer used his treatise to excoriate many of the practices that I’ll be recommending in this blog. His 15th century blueprint for the persecution of witches, mainly women, turned out to be enduring. Many of you already know the sordid history of the witch hunts that followed. But why is this relevant today? Because we women still carry the wound of centuries of oppression and the legacy they inspired. Even in the 21st century, some of the core beliefs linger including the ancient tome’s main premise: witchcraft stems entirely from carnal lust, which is insatiable in women. Considering the many subsequent attempts to tamp down female sexuality, is it any wonder so many women are shut down sexually?
I choose to believe it was fear rather than malice that led men like Kramer to suppress and even demonize the sacred feminine. After all, we are creatures who bleed but do not die and can create a human being inside our bodies and then nurture it at our breasts. It’s no wonder the ostensibly celibate priest and his counterparts were afraid of women and the power of our intuition and sexuality. Even after the witch trials were long past, chastity belts and genital mutilation emerged to take their place, not to mention laws and edicts designed to keep women chaste.
Since this is a guide to transformation and not a history book, I will not take the time here to outline all the ways the feminine has been reviled throughout the millennia but we will return to this topic of suppression of female sexuality in the blog posts that follow. Chances are that you too were raised in a patriarchal religion – and if you were part of a mainstream religion it was most likely patriarchal. But perhaps you were no more conscious of this systemic repression than I was in the 1990s when I was working under Pope John Paul II. All of us, including men, swim in the same patriarchal soup until one day we look up and see the light. Not surprisingly this can take decades, and for some, it never happens at all. But when it does, it’s usually through the guidance of other enlightened women.
Certainly, it didn’t happen overnight for me. I left the Vatican to get married and live the life of a typical suburban wife – except my life turned out to be anything but typical. Two years after getting married, I got pregnant and we lost our baby boy, full term. In the grief-stricken months that followed, I wrote a pregnancy book to help other women like me. That book went on to help tens of thousands of women navigate the fears and anxiety round the subsequent pregnancy.
For years I was sure I would write another book, but I never felt inspired. Plus, I was busy raising the two healthy sons we went on to have later. Our lives were a whirlwind of playdates, sports and the everyday joys and sorrows of raising children. When both boys were in elementary school, I decided to go back to school myself so I could one day become a college professor. Having worked from home from the time my children were babies, I wanted to plan ahead for the day I had an empty nest. Little could I have known just how empty that nest would turn out to be. My husband died and both sons left for college within the next two years. In the blink of an eye, it seemed, I went from living with a husband and two children, to living alone with a dog.
If the story had ended there, it would have been a sad one. But little could I have known that a new life awaited me through a rebirth like the one I’m inviting you to experience. My rebirth was not intentional or planned. In fact, I didn’t even know to call it a rebirth at the time. But looking back, I can see that’s exactly what the universe had planned for me.
Fortunately, you won’t need a tragedy to catapult you on to this new path. Somehow some way, you are already on your way. Perhaps you heard about this blog from a friend or read about it on social media. Maybe you’re one of the women who read my first book and just happened to find me here. It really doesn’t matter how you got here. What’s important is that you’re willing and open to change.
Sacred Circle Retreats 